November 14, 1958
Pondicherry, November 14, 1958
Mother,
I feel disguised.Due to the orange robes of the sannyasi. And I detest hypocrisy—I have many faults, but not that one.
So I believe it would be better for me to leave.
Through my friends in Hyderabad, I can contact some people who are doing business in the forests of the Belgian Congo. I want to go there, alone and far away from everything.
But there is always this wretched question of money. I need it to leave and to pay for the journey. Afterwards, I will manage. Anyway, it is all the same to me; I am not afraid of anything any longer.
It seems to me that the sooner I leave the better, because of this hypocrisy I detest.Shortly afterwards, in the last days of November, Satprem would leave the Ashram once again.
Signed: Satprem
(Mother's reply)
Friday evening, November 14, 1958
Satprem,
One does not cure hypocrisy by pulling down below what is already above—but by lifting upwards what is still down below. To yield to an impulse of revolt is a defeat and a cowardice unworthy of a soul like yours.
Do not flee the difficulty, face it courageously and carry home the victory.
My love is with you.
Signed: Mother