April 20, 1960

Rameswaram, April 20, 1960

Sweet Mother,

I was pained and shocked upon reaching X's place to see him in such a horrible house—a train station in miniature (and not as nice) with little pastries in garish yellow cement. Cement everywhere—they even cemented the patio and uprooted the beautiful tree that was there. O Mother, it's vandalism, it's barbaric! You cannot imagine! Really, M has committed a terrible sin.

To compensate for that, however, I had the joy of finding your two letters. Yes, for some time I have been feeling your physical Presence more clearly. But then, why am I so blocked, where is the flaw? It constantly feels as though I am living at the outskirts of myself, or more precisely in a miniscule region of myself, and I'm unable to be conscious of the rest—a perpetual amnesic. It is unpleasant and quite stupid. What is it that will explode this shell?

I am anxious to return to you.

Your child, full of gratitude and love.

Signed: Satprem